The Beginning
I’ve decided to start writing a blog. Lucky reader, this is my first post! Instead of only posting on social media, mostly surface level, algorithm pleasing crap, I want somewhere I can express the deeper meaning of why I do what I do. So, if you are interested in the ‘why’, then keep reading.
The past few years have been quite the whirlwind. If anyone had said to me at the end of 2022 that in three years time I would have gotten divorced, started a masters, and recorded an album of Kapustin, I wouldn’t have believed you. Infact, I would have definitely not believed you. Yet, here we are. I am only a few weeks away from releasing the album that saved me.
I remember clearly the moment that James, the engineer at Divine Art recordings, invited me to create this album. In August 2023, I was attending Chethams International Piano Summer school, as I always did and had been doing for 7 years prior. James was there filming mostly young artists and amateur pianists for their own personal portfolios. It was the final night of the course, and like everyone else, I had too much to drink and ended up staying up till 5am chatting with lifelong friends about all geeky piano things. The next morning, I had been scheduled for a 9am recording session in the Stoller Hall. I hadn’t even packed! I thought to myself, just throw on your fanciest frock, slap some makeup on, and play, who really cares anyway! I came out onto the stage, greeted James and explained my current sleepless slightly drunken state, who was ready with his camera and mic setup, and played a few of the Kapustin concert etudes. At the end of the session, James said to me, ‘you know, you should do an album’.
What James doesn’t know is that two days later, my marriage ended. I had separated only a few months before and had spent the time leading up to Chethams barely coping. Playing Kapustin was quite literally all I was able to do whilst I watched the life I had spent my entire adult life building crumble right in front of me. 13 years of a partnership and 2 years of a marriage. I sat at the piano every single day as it was the only thing in my life that made sense. The only safe place I had. The complexity of Kapustin’s music perfectly mirrored the complexity of my situation - the rigorous structure of classical form meets the improvisational chaos of real life.
When I recorded Kapustin: Between the Lines, I wasn't searching for a career move; I was searching for an anchor. The rhythm, precision, and unyielding discipline required by these 20 tracks were the only things strong enough to hold me steady while my world—my marriage, my home, and my safety—collapsed.
I speak honestly about struggle—about the grief, the emotional abuse, and the mistakes I made in desperation—because I believe the greatest art is only possible when we stop pretending to be perfect. This space is where I share the 'Why' behind the piano: how self-awareness, accountability, and the sheer power of music saved me. My goal is to inspire others to find their own anchor, proving that structure can be a lifeline in the face of despair. This blog is designed to give me my own space to share my story, peeling back the layers of the fancy frock to explore the structure and vulnerability underneath. I’ve come to realize that sharing my own truth makes me feel less alone. If you’ve ever found an anchor in your own life—in music, in work, or in an honest conversation—then please stick around. We’ve already made a very good start.
